Backseat Blonde - I Swear, SpongeBob Could Sink Stock Car Racing

October 11, 2004

I Swear, SpongeBob Could Sink Stock Car Racing
By Allison Wagda

Did you ever get your mouth washed out with soap
when you were a kid?

Did anyone? Or was this just a universal parental threat,
potent yet empty, to keep naughty children from using
bad words?

The concept of actually grabbing a bar of Dial off the side of the bathroom sink and
shoving it in a child’s mouth is about as incomprehensible to me as NASCAR
docking Dale Earnhardt Jr. 25 playoff points for using the “s” word.

And now, in a flash of utter idiocy, NASCAR has decided not only will he be the first
Cup driver to ever be fined with points for so-called dirty language, he’ll likely be the
last.

No, NASCAR will never admit to being wrong. Junior’s fine will stand unless his
appeal to the National Stock Car Racing Commission overturns the governing body’
s edict.

Instead, NASCAR’s broadcast partners are instituting a 5-second delay in order to
provide sound specialists the opportunity to mask a bad word or phrase.

So let’s say Kurt Busch, the beneficiary of Earnhardt’s punishment, uses the same
exact word this weekend in Charlotte and NBC successfully catches it. According to
comments yesterday by NASCAR President Mike Helton, Busch won’t lose points
(probably still face a financial fine).

Wait, it gets better. If NBC’s audio guy misses it, he would be fined points.

Huh?

Now, there’s a policy of which NASCAR can be proud. Place the responsibility of
enforcement on someone else.

The ramifications of NASCAR’s incongruity were apparent this weekend. After
Saturday’s Busch race, Tony Stewart refused a TV interview. Prior to the Nextel Cup
race, Earnhardt declined to speak on camera. Even after a respectable top-10 finish,
Earnhardt’s interview was stilted. Frankly, he sounded as if he was speaking off cue
cards.

Rather than risk sanctions, the drivers are just going to avoid the media. Great. It
would all be somewhat humorous if the sanitization of NASCAR wasn’t destroying
the sport.

Have we ever been further away from NASCAR’s roots? In a sport where cars are
muscled around a treacherous track at speeds often exceeding 180 mph, why are
families suddenly the coveted demographic?

The Tin Man, Wonder Woman, Goofy and Donald Duck too…these are the hip hood
ornaments adorning the hoods of Cup cars these days. The SpongeBob
Squarepants Movie is the title sponsor for the Busch race this Friday, and Lowe’s
Motor Speedway plans to make it “the most family-friendly race in NASCAR history.”

Big tobacco has been left behind, and suddenly everything on and off-track must be
suitable for kids.

Ahhh…that’s it.

I’d almost forgotten. Now that R.J. Reynolds is no longer the lead sponsor of
NASCAR’s top series, a new market has suddenly been handed to NASCAR. With
the tobacco company, NASCAR had to be very sensitive regarding any marketing
efforts that may have reached minors.

Nextel has no such restrictions. No wonder all we ever hear about these days is how
family friendly NASCAR is.

Memo to Daytona: Racing isn’t child’s play. Whitewash NASCAR to make it
appropriate to all ages and lose the rest of your much ballyhooed 75 million fans.
Leave the kid stuff to Disney. You can’t appeal to everyone.

It’s bad enough the drivers don’t even seem to get dirty anymore. Now they can’t
speak their minds without fear of repercussion. Next thing we know, if a driver so
much as rubs another driver he’ll be benched.

Then the sh*t will really hit the fan.

I was poised to give NASCAR credit for at least being consistent with cussing fines,
even if the fine was disproportional to the crime.

But they’ve made stock car racing a laughingstock. Pushing Viagra and Wellbutrin is
okay, yet * gasp* they hit the panic button when a dirty word easily overheard on any
playground in America slips out of a driver.

The World Poker Tour has more credibility, and at least Annie Duke is allowed to be
an adult. Thanks ESPN.

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